1/31/16

Am I living in a frat house? My first two questions of the day, upon waking, are "who left the peanut butter open with a spoon in it, and put it back in the cabinet?", and "why is there pee in a (empty) soda bottle?".

Davi told me he is going to call me the mini van mom.

1/30/16

Dear Diary, 

Last night I had a crazy dream. I took a new supplement to help me sleep, and whoa. 

I was in New Zealand with friends, in this remote location. They all wanted to head back to the cabin, I wanted to sleep on the beach. I stayed there and they all went back, we would meet up in the morning. I wrapped up in something and randomly had a pillow, and went to sleep. Next morning, my fiends came to find me... but I was gone. I was brought to the hospital, overnight, someone had slit my through vertically. They stitched me up and sent me home. 

I went home to my childhood house and my mom and dad were there to take care of me. I go to sleep and wake up with my neck reopened. We are all worried the random person came and found me and reslit my throat.. Come to find out, my dad came to check on me overnight and cut some of the stitches open to check on my healing, and the rest just popped open. 

I get up and start walking to find the hospital, clutching my throat to stop the bleeding. Now my kids enter the story, they are following me to the hospital. 

We keep asking for directions.. and keep getting pointed to a Target. We go inside, they apparently have an urgent care clinic... and an adoption place. While I am getting restitched up, I fall in love with this baby, and adopt it. 

Kylan woke me up at this point, She wanted to know what I would like for breakfast. hahah 

Anyways, I really need to email David. I haven't yet, I get sidetracked easily. 

-Meg 

1/28/16

Dear Diary, 

It's a sad sad sight, when even the dog is pacing around crying, everytime she hears a car. She was waiting on daddy to come home last night. I hope she doesn't do this every night. 

Davi kept asking when daddy was coming home. He was so worried about how daddy would get home without his car. I dont think he really gets how long David will be gone for. It's going to be a long 6 months if I have to keep explaining it to him.

I had to bring David his glasses to the boat this morning. I got a last minute called, I had to be there by 12:15. I sacrificed my shower before drop off to make sure he got his glasses. It was nice to see him again before he goes.. But it brought back the pit and the tears. One goodbye is enough. 

Kylan had a snowflake party at school today. I really need to stop going to these silly little things. Just do it in school, and send them home. oops.

Well. I am down about 5 pounds now.. only 25 more to go. If I can lose more than that, that's good too. I'd love to be a 0 again. Makes me not want to get pregnant, ever again. What do you do, when your heart wants another, but your body is all fuck that. I will have to stop taking my meds, and most herbal remedies arent safe for pregnancy either. Which really scares me. No meds + extra hormones, I may just hide in bed for 9 months.

-Meg 

1/26/16

Dear Diary,

Today started off horrible. I was exhausted and annoyed. Davi woke me up in the middle of the night and I couldn't fall back asleep. I didn't want to get out of bed and be a mom. 

Today ended, with lots of laughs and love. The kids wrestled with us. David joined in. We had a dance party. 

David helped me clear off the only safe spot to put up all the toys. I kept the kitchen clean and made dinner. Today did a 180. I have to remember to not let my attitude of the moment dictate my whole day. If I carried my sour puss whiny ass around all day, I would have missed all the good that tonight had. 

Forgot to add, tiki asked me to marry a new daddy. The old daddy can stay home and play and the new daddy can go to work a d make money for food.

-Meg

1/27/16

Dear Diary,

I just watched my other half walk away. He's gone for 6 months. That pit in my stomach has been replaced with emptiness. It felt so unfinished, just dropping him off and driving away. Did I tell him all that I needed to say. Did I remind him of everything that needed reminding? Do I know everything I need to know to function without him for 6 months? Who knows. Theres always something that comes up. I figure it out, or pay someone who does and move on. Im sad. The sadness will come and go. It always does. It doesn't get easier. It just gets pushed to the back of your mind. I get busy. I turn on autopilot..and zoom through life. I lose weight, because 6 months really isnt that long, and I need to be the hottest wife on the pier. I learn a new skill. The kids get bigger. Davi will be the one who is the most noticeable this go around. He will be 4 when Daddy gets back. Davi doesnt seem to even understand this process yet. The girls do. Fal is so sad.. She makes it 10x harder for me to shake my funk. She screamed for daddy as we drove away. I wish she knew it doesnt change him having to go. 

I didnt even know what else to say. Im babbling. Just get my thoughts down, so I can sleep tonight.  I miss you Davy. I love you. I wish it was always easy for me to get my feelings out.. and that it didnt make me feel weird to talk about. <3

-Megan 

Fally took this picture of daddy, so she wouldn't forget him. 

1/25/16

Dear Diary,

It's the middle of the night. 2:36am. I'm awake, because every night, 2 of my kids tag team me.. One on my feet, and one on my head. They overheat and suffocate me, until I cant sleep. Tonight, I went and found a new spot to sleep. Not even 5 minutes later, Davi follows me and puts his little furnace body on mine. I have never been closer to drop kicking a baby out of bed before. Someday, I will miss this, right? :)

Today felt like a good day to get back onto the treadmill. I had a whole food energy supplement. I had bone broth and fruit for breakfast. I got this.
I plug the treadmill in, I get a show on that I want to watch. I get on the treadmill, and BOOM. Blow all the fuses in the wall, that the treadmill was plugged into. God, must be telling me, Don't worry about exercising. But I really want to lose this blubber on my stomach.
I can't get the fuses to reset, or whatever it's called.. So I run an extension cord to behind the washing machine, to get a good walk in, and be able to watch TV. Davi threw a tantrum, I wouldn't get off the treadmill, mid-workout to hug him. He decided to spank my butt as I was walking. Motivation? Then he unplugged my treadmill, as I was rounding the 2 mile mark.. He's lucky my legs were jello. ;)  I ended up doing 3 miles in all this morning.
I actually did another mile after dinner. We had Smash burger for dinner, it was delicious. Even though I get the grilled chicken breast with healthier options, I still needed to walk off the ick that I feel after eating out.

Goal is 30 pounds this deployment, and to actually keep it off this time. David comes home, and I fall to shit. Eat everything in sight. Lose all my morals and become a couch potato. I keep telling myself, I will get my shit together, maybe it started today. :)

1/24/16

Dear Diary,

Yesterday, we had a decent size snowfall. The kids had fun playing outside. Even Stormy was crazy, playing in the snow. I like to watch from the window bench. The cold and I don't mix. This is one reason why I'm not happy that the next couple months I'm going to be dealing with the cold and snow alone. Atleast we have a snowblower, right. Wrong, David goes out to snow blow, and pulls the pull start right out of the snowblower. Im now amazed and pissed. He is obviously a beast, look at those arm muscles... but Fuck, I am not going to shovel our long ass driveway alone. I will die.. Not, probably, I will. DEAD. Or the kids will fuck everything in the house up, while Im shoveling, then I will kill them. Either way, no snowblower= death in this house.

Ok, fast forward to, today, David generously goes and buys me a new snowblower. Its twice as big and twice as fast. Im happy.. but he needs help unloading this from his truck. Im all of 130 pounds, this snowblower weighs more than me. I oblige. We give it a test run. I can hold up the non heavy end for 2 seconds, apparently I pass. David gets on the back of his truck. The snowblower is on the tail gate. Im on the ground.. I don't know why this seems like the best way to do this. We lift the machine up, and I am to take a step backwards with it. I didn't step far enough. The snowblower and David are both on the ground now.. David is on his back, the snowblower is on it's back.. It took a good chunk out of my leg. It was a fun afternoon.
All in all, we survived. I would have flipped out, had the snowblower broke, after we dropped a shiz ton of money on it.. David was ok too. Ill be honest, if he got hurt, wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, with deployment looming. ;)

-Meg